Krishnamurti
and Me

Part 1 - Theosophy and K

(I lost this page and had to reconstruct it so photos only from the second page onward)

I remember when I was about 16 years old, writing something very much along the materialist line that you can't have matter without spirit and, reversely, you can't have spirit without matter, and so, it is logical that when the matter is no more, there isn't spirit left either. So, it can't be said that I had an early spiritual vocation. If the circumstances were to be slightly different, I may be sitting now in the atheists or skepticals newsgroups. That's not how it turned out, though.

For some reasons, I started to develop an interest in spiritual matters. I believe that most of it came through reading. In the beginning, it all seemed completely incredible, though. I remember standing in a book shop, scanning books around, and hitting a book in which the author explained how his son, who met an accidental death, was speaking to him. This made no sense at all for me. If his son was death, were was he sitting? How could he speak at all? I could not conceive at all that someone could exist without body.

I guess that this must be how materialists, atheists, skeptics, etc, feel as well. A friend and colleague of mine was asked someday, by some other friend of mine who was rather spiritually oriented, if he believed in a life after death, reincarnation, etc. He thought about it for a while, and answered "I really would like to believe in it, but I just can't". This stroke me as an honest and even wise answer. There seem to be people who, indeed, just cannot conceive of anything else than what they see here and now. They aren't necessarily different than those who do. They just can't conceive of it, like I could not conceive of it before either. I am glad that, through this phase of mine, I am better able to understand what may be their position.

My interest grew, though, and I started to read more and more along spiritual lines. Circumstances also seemed to push me towards this orientation. For example, as I was waiting at the hairdresser, I read a magazine article about a women who was driving away spirits from an haunted house. The article was well written, and it caught my interest. I decided to buy one of the books mentioned. I got it wrapped in present paper to be open only at the end of my ongoing school examinations.

Of course, I couldn't wait, so, instead of studying, I read the book. I must have read it over the night. Couldn't lift my nose from it. At the end, my interest spear headed upward about tenfold. I guess I really got convinced at that time, and the universe did seem to shift, in a kind of world-shattering way, in another new and considerably larger dimension.

I also got influenced through comic strips telling stories about UFOs. One night, I made a strange dream about it, heard some strange bells and woke up. I couldn't move at all, no matter how hard I tried. Yet, I was without a shade of fear. After a lot of effort, I succeed to move, though. This happened several times thereafter, but it is only many years later that I realized that this was a condition in which I was able to leave my body without effort. So, instead of trying to move with all my strength, I started to lift up higher and higher. The return in the body was made without effort after awhile, and I then could move normally.

But this all is much later. For now, I finished the book, and still passed my examinations and was done with school. What would I do next? What higher studies would I pursue? I had no ideas. However, by then, my interest for spiritual issues was so big that I started to read a lot on this toic. I read a book about parapsychology wonders in the URSS. I became very interested in the subject and decided that this was the type of study I would do next.